A New Chapter
"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them mere rubbish, so that I may gain Christ," A few years ago, by God's grace, I've come to make this verse (Phil 3:8) my own. Having the opportunity to learn more about who God is and what He has done has increased my conviction of the God that I've placed my faith in, and I'm confident that He will carry me through. Yet, time and time again, I've realized just how prone I am to wander, forget, and neglect King Jesus. One moment I find myself eager to follow Him, and literally the next moment, I'm deliberately choosing to run life my way. Oh, how it's in these moments that I'm constantly reminded about the beauty of dependence on Christ.
Recently, I've been in a job hunting season. I wanted to embrace this season of rest, as well as find ways to be intentional by catching up with people I love, and thus, falling into the desperate hunt for a job right out of college was not my top priority. After coming back from my trip to Cambodia in July, I decided that it was the perfect time to start looking for a job. I felt extremely hopeful at the start, applying for jobs that suit my interests and passions. Not long after, an overwhelming dread gushed over me as I realized that I was caught in a cycle of applying for multiple jobs, only to receive silence from the other end of the line. This endless cycle produced disappointment in me, to the point where I no longer placed effort into tweaking my resume. I was tired. I felt incompetent. I had lost hope.
Then it hit me. God met me at my pit and gently reminded me about the moment years back when I chose to surrender to Him with open palms, trusting Him to take me wherever He wills for His glory to be made known. Oh how prone I am to wander, forget, and neglect King Jesus. You see, I had been running my own life even in something as minute as job hunting. I had envisioned a perfect job that would suit my liking, my personality, and most importantly, a job that would give me status and prove myself worthy in the eyes of men. With that gentle rebuke, I humbly turned back to the Lord to ask for his forgiveness. I was confident that whether or not I get an offer, He is good, and his steadfast love endureth forever. I've witnessed his faithfulness in the past and I know that I can trust in the God who created the universe and still went to the extreme to pursue me while I was deep in darkness.
Truly by His grace, the very next day, I received a call. I was so certain that it was a scam call and instantly put on my mask, answering the call with a stern, "Hello?" Little did I realize, that a deaf and blind school I wrote in asking for potential job openings reached out to me! The stern "hello" shyly turned into a cheerful, "Yes speaking!" Oh how good and faithful our Lord is! Since that call, things progressed quickly and I had the opportunity to chat with the loveliest principal ever, had a wonderful school experience, and all glory to Christ, received a job offer!
Well, the story did not end there... Within that same week that I received the call, I was shortlisted for three other interviews. One of which caught my attention. It was a cardiac technologist role, in which I would be able to perform diagnostic tests on patients, such as echocardiograms, and even assist doctors in the operating theatre with more invasive procedures like angiograms and catheterizations. My childhood dream of becoming a doctor was instantly reignited. After attending the interview, I was confronted with a few possible red flags, one of which was the unstable and unpredictable schedule. Since this was a hospital, there would be weeks when I would have to be rostered in the schedule to be on call, and that would also mean sleeping in the hospital. As much as my heart raced against this precious opportunity to live out my dream and the opportunity to serve in the healthcare field, I was very conflicted. I started losing sleep, trying to weigh the pros and cons of each job, and even heeded the advice of multiple Godly counsels. It was so, so difficult. My fleshly desires craved the latter job, to the point where I found myself turning a deaf ear towards everything I've ever known God to be. As God slowly examined my heart, I faced a real reality. I knew that my fleshly desires became my God. I knew that if God were to open the doors for the latter, I would accept that job offer without thinking twice. Now, let me address the elephant in the room. Even though I placed so much thought into weighing which job I should ultimately pursue, I knew that God was sovereign and that no matter the job I ended up accepting, He could use me, and there would be ample ministry opportunities. However, if I were to examine my own heart, as hard as it was to accept the truth, I yearned for the cardiac technologist role because it would make me look good, it would give me the status, and it would allow me to prove myself worthy in the eyes of others. I had always glorified healthcare. Conversely, I had always deemed teaching as a weak job.
Hence, there was only one solution. I earnestly prayed to the Lord, begging Him to make it crystal clear. "God, you know my heart's truest intentions. You know that if I get offered the cardiac tech job, I will accept it without delay. Oh Lord, you know me so much better than I know myself, and I want to surrender to you. Please use me as your weak jar of clay so that your light may be made known to all. Amen."
Two weeks later. I received news. The door was closed and it was so clear that my good and faithful Father wanted me to serve in the deaf and blind school. Ironically, instead of feeling a wave of disappointment when I opened the email, I was filled with gratitude and joy. He had answered my prayer and made it so clear! Praise be to God! That being said, I aim to live a life of surrender to Him. I trust that He knows me from the inside out, and I am willing to be flexible with wherever he directs me. Ultimately, I find so much comfort in knowing that no matter where he places me, no matter what I end up doing, my ultimate purpose in the here and now remains the same: to magnify and glorify His name!
Whimsical Interlude
This interlude between graduation and the start of work has been so precious. I'm thankful for all people God has placed in my life, for their constant encouragement as they spur me on to run the race with perseverance. They are humble, kind, and thoughful. They are not afraid to challenge my fears, but always quick to reassure me of their steadfast presence and love. My heart is so full!
[These college sweethearts have truly been a big big answer to prayer during my uni journey!]
[These are my small group members during my final semester. It's been so sweet seeing how intentional they are in persevering to meetup to continue this gospel partnership that we read in Philippians together!]
[I love how the year 4s all desire to be intentional with one another even after graduation. So thankful to be able to host them and for the opportunity to encourage one another as we reflect on our 4 years and how we yearn to bring the gospel into the world. May God help us!]
[I've been so blessed to have this sweet gal with me since the start of uni, reading the Bible with me! So grateful for her big love and hospitality, and so encouraged by the ways she's been making Christ known in her workplace.]
Partner Me in the Gospel
I will be starting my first day of work on my birthday (it's going to make my first day of work extra sweet and memorable)! By His grace, I actually find myself exponentially more excited and eager to be a teacher! I realized that it's more than teaching. I will be working with a niche and specific group of people that the Lord has placed on my heart for quite a while now. Since everything will be taught using sign language, I foresee this phase to be a steep learning curve, but definitely, one that will allow me to rely on Christ every single morning! Nonetheless, I anticipate this new chapter of my life with joy and gratefulness and would love for you to partner in the Gospel with me as I navigate what it will look like to bring Jesus into a secular workplace. I'm excited to use this space as a means to keep myself accountable, and to be able to partner in the Gospel with You! Oh how I've realized how precious it is to have prayer warriors praying for me.
As I prepare to start work very soon, I would appreciate your prayers in these areas:
- As much as I've tried my best to prepare myself for this new season, I know how prone I am to wander and to forget the God who loves me so dearly. Please pray that I will earnestly and intentionally find ways to cultivate deep relationships with my students and colleagues
- I tend to lean towards being an introvert, and I definitely foresee myself finding it more comfortable to have lunch on my own. Please pray that I will have a heart that longs after the things of God, and that I will long for the lost to come to Know Him personally.
- Lastly, I definitely don't think that I am fluent in sign language yet and am thus afraid that that might become a barrier to cultivating deeper relationships. Please pray that I will persevere in learning this language, realizing that there's a bigger purpose than just learning the language itself.